15 Compassionate Reminders for a Healing Holiday Season

The holidays often bring stress, but when you’re grieving, that stress can feel even heavier. A dear friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago, and even though her attitude was always bright and positive — and she was surrounded by so much love — I truly believed she would pull through.

When I learned she had crossed over the rainbow bridge, I felt crushed. I didn’t feel like decorating, celebrating, or hosting my annual holiday gathering. Thankfully, a close friend stopped by while walking her dogs and encouraged me to do it anyway. I told her I’d think about it.

Once I slowly began putting up a few decorations, my mood shifted. I didn’t go all out, but I did just enough — and I’m happy to share that the party turned out wonderful for everyone. I’m so grateful I pushed myself. So now, I encourage you to try a gentle push too, if you need it.

Here are 15 helpful reminders to carry with you as the holidays approach:

Remember that your loved one wants you to be happy. Acknowledge your pain, then honor their memory in a way that feels right to you.

Create your own version of the holidays. Let go of the pressure to meet a picture-perfect “Madison Avenue” standard. Do what you can — no more, no less.

Include your loved one in your celebrations. I still hang ornaments connected to my son. You can keep traditions or gently adjust them as needed.

Spend time reminiscing. Share memories and stories from when your loved one was alive.

Look through photos or watch family videos together. Let the memories bring comfort or even a few smiles.

Laugh often. Laughter doesn’t erase grief — it makes carrying it easier.

Care for your body. Choose nutritious foods, stay active, and rest when you need to.

Volunteer to help others. Giving to others has a way of lifting your spirits. Invite your family to join you.

Donate in your loved one’s honor. Support a cause they cared about. Small or big, it keeps their legacy alive.

Honor your unique grieving style. There’s no “right way” to grieve unless you’re harming yourself.

Respect others’ coping styles too. They may grieve differently — and that’s okay.

Don’t avoid mentioning your loved one. Speaking their name keeps their presence alive; you’re not burdening anyone by remembering.

Create new rituals. Invite friends or family to add memories, letters, or photos to a shared memory box each year.

Listen to your body. Rest when needed. Be gentle with yourself, especially if the loss is recent.

Lean on your support system. Surround yourself with loving people, and don’t hesitate to ask for help — whether it’s decorating, cooking, or simply keeping you company.

As the holidays draw near, try to move through them with gratitude and the understanding that you’re doing the best you can. Take things one step at a time. Instead of isolating, consider being with family or friends — even if you give yourself a gentle nudge to show up. You may find comfort in connection.

Rest in love and peace: Michael Wallace, Drew Griffin, Jay Moyer, Matt Chan, Donna Gregory Hoerdeman, Charlie Coulter, and all our loved ones who have graduated in the past year or so. If I’ve missed someone, please let me know and I will add them.

Wishing you a gentle, loving, and heart-filled holiday season.

— Shirley