Signs of Depression Must Be Heeded

During the grieving process, many people slip into depression. For some, it is the first time they have ever experienced such profound emotional pain, making the signs difficult to recognize. Looking back, I realize I didn't truly understand what depression felt like until I experienced it myself.

A lone sailboat glides across the serene blue waters near an airport with scenic hills in the background.

You might assume I became depressed when my little boy, Cory, died. I was devastated beyond words and consumed by grief, but I don't believe I was clinically depressed. Likewise, when my marriage ended in divorce, many expected me to be depressed. Instead, I felt relieved to be free from the burden of a relationship that had never been right. I was sad about the circumstances, but I wasn't depressed.

It wasn't until after September 11, 2001, that I finally understood.

At the time, I was freelancing for ABC News. My assignment was to review the incoming video feeds from the aftermath of the attacks on the Twin Towers and determine what footage could be aired without traumatizing viewers. Hour after hour, I watched scenes of destruction, death, and unimaginable human suffering.

At first, I didn't recognize what was happening to me. I felt numb. I couldn't sleep. I was unusually short-tempered—my poor family bore the brunt of it—and I simply wasn't myself.

The following Sunday after church, I wanted to be alone, so I decided to walk home. As I reached the top of a hill, I stopped at one of my favorite overlooks. Before me stretched a breathtaking panorama: the Cascade Mountains from Mount Baker to Mount Rainier, downtown Seattle, Elliott Bay, and a brilliant blue sky.

Normally, the view would have filled me with awe.

Instead...nothing.

I stood there wondering, What is wrong with me?

Then I noticed something even stranger. The vibrant colors of the landscape looked muted, almost gray, as though someone had pulled a veil over the world.

I just stood there, staring.

Then, almost as if another part of my brain suddenly awakened, a thought came to me:

"You're depressed. This is what depression feels like".

I was stunned.

"Oh, man...depression sucks. Snap out of it!"

Of course, depression doesn't simply disappear because we tell it to. But in my case, recognizing what was happening was the first step. As I stood there, I consciously acknowledged that the relentless exposure to those horrific images had triggered symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Gradually, it was as if the veil lifted. The brilliant blues, greens, and autumn colors returned. I finished my walk home and immediately told my husband that I finally understood what depression felt like.

My experience was relatively brief and mild compared to those who struggle with chronic

depression or who have endured far greater trauma. But it was real. It taught me something I

have never forgotten:

You cannot deal with depression until you recognize it.

If you're grieving and begin noticing the warning signs, don't ignore them the way I almost did. Depression is not a weakness, and it is not something to be ashamed of. Sometimes recognizing it and talking about it is enough to begin healing. Other times, professional help is essential. A physician may recommend medication. A therapist can provide tools to help you recover.

The important thing is this: pay attention to the signs. The sooner you recognize depression, the sooner you can begin moving toward healing.

Common Signs of Depression

 Persistent sadness or a depressed mood

 Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed

 Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or excessive guilt

 Agitation, irritability, or restlessness

 Fatigue or a lack of energy

 Difficulty thinking clearly, concentrating, or making decisions

 Changes in sleep—sleeping too much or too little

 Changes in appetite or significant weight gain or loss

 Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

If you or someone you love is experiencing thoughts of suicide, seek help immediately by

contacting a trusted person, a healthcare professional, or emergency services. You do not have to face it alone.