Try to Stick to Routines

When you are deep in grief, even the smallest tasks can feel overwhelming. Getting out of bed. Making coffee. Answering a text. It can all feel like too much. Your mind is scattered, your heart is heavy, and your ability to focus seems to have disappeared.

Ground yourself with small routines

And yet…this is exactly where routine can quietly save you.

I’m not talking about jumping back into your full schedule as if nothing happened. That’s not realistic, and it’s not kind to yourself. What I’m talking about is creating small anchors in your day—simple, familiar actions that give your life a bit of structure when everything else feels like it’s falling apart.

Grief has a way of turning your world upside down. Routines help turn it right side up, even if just a little.

When I worked with people in grief over the years, and even in my own losses, I saw this over and over again: the people who found a way to gently return to some form of routine often felt just a little more grounded. Not healed. Not “better.” But steadier.

Because here’s the truth—routine doesn’t stop the pain.

It doesn’t prevent the wave that hits you out of nowhere in the grocery store…or the moment when a song brings you to your knees…or the quiet ache that settles in at night.

Those waves are coming no matter what.

But routine gives you something to hold onto when they do.

It might be as simple as:

• Waking up at the same time each morning

• Taking a walk, even if it’s just around the block

• Sitting in your favorite chair with a cup of tea

• Writing a few thoughts in a journal

• Making your bed

  
  

These are not big things. But in grief, small things matter.

They remind your body and your mind that life is still moving forward—even if your heart is lagging behind.

And let’s be honest…grief is not neat. It is not predictable. It is not something you can control.

One minute you feel okay, and the next minute you are hit with a wave so strong it takes your breath away.

So how do you go with the flow when grief refuses to follow any rules?

You stop trying to control the waves.

Instead, you learn how to ride them.

Some days, your routine will feel comforting. Other days, it will feel impossible. On those days, give yourself grace. Maybe your “routine” becomes just one thing. Just get dressed.

Just step outside. Just breathe.

That is enough.

There is no perfect way to do this.

There is only your way.

Routine is not about forcing yourself to “move on.” It’s about giving yourself a soft place to land between the waves. A quiet rhythm that says, you’re still here…one step at a time.

And one day—without you even realizing it—you will find that those small steps have carried you further than you thought possible.

So be gentle with yourself.

Keep it simple.

And when the waves come…hold onto your routine like a lifeline and let it carry you through.

Be well,

Shirley