guilt : responsibility for a crime or for doing something bad or wrong : a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong Guilt is a naturally occurring by-product of grief. Sometimes for me, it feels like being alone in a desolate place like a desert or a foggy forest to deal with my sense of shame and the feeling that I didn't do the right thing.  It might feel differently for you. Most of us feel as if we have done something bad or w

I spent the evening co-facilitating a three hour grief workshop entitled "Your Heart Still Beats" in Wailuku. In attendance were several widows and being with them taught me so much.  All of them had been married for decades. Each one lamented how her husband had been so strong and strapping in life and how shockingly hard it was when he died.  The relationship between spouses is of course different than a parent and child, or siblings, and so, those differences carry over w

When you lose a loved one, it can break your heart and your spirit. It can feel like being at the bottom of a valley that will take forever to climb out from. It takes a long time to sort out your feelings...good and bad. This reminds me of the stage of grief that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross came up with. They were actually meant for a dying person not those grieving a loss. Her explanation of the stages of grief have been corrupted and misquoted. The truth of the matter is th