Thoughts About Father’s Day

In 1909, Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, decided she wanted to honor her father, a

widowed Civil War veteran who had raised his children on his own. After attending a Mother’s

Day sermon, she was inspired to create a special day dedicated to fathers. Apparently, Ms. Dodd

was quite persuasive, because by 1910 Washington State held its first Father’s Day celebration.

Celebrating Father’s Day with love and smiles, as these happy kids show appreciation for "The Best Dad Ever."

Six years later, in 1916, President Woodrow Wilson expressed his support for the idea. In the

1930s, Alvin Austin, representing a consortium of menswear companies, helped transform what had been a relatively quiet observance into a major gift-giving holiday. President Lyndon Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation designating the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day in 1966. However, it was President Richard Nixon who signed it into law as a permanent national holiday in 1972.

This year, it was estimated that nearly $28 billion would be spent on gifts for dads. That sounds enormous, but it is still about $10 billion less than what was spent on Mother’s Day. So, it seems Mr. Alvin Austin’s commercialization of the holiday has certainly endured.

For those of us whose fathers are no longer alive, Father’s Day can be a very different

experience. For me, it is a time to reflect on the relationship I had with my father. I admit I am

somewhat jealous of those who enjoyed warm, loving relationships with theirs. I did not. Ours

was often marked by pain, distrust, and, when I was younger, fear.

In some ways, it saddens me that we never developed a healthy relationship. Yet there is an

unexpected upside. When Father’s Day comes around, I do not experience the profound sense of loss or longing that many others do. There is no idealized memory for me to miss.

For those who are grieving the loss of a beloved father—especially on a day dedicated to

celebrating him—I am truly sorry. Hold tightly to your memories of love, laughter, and time

spent together. Those memories are precious.

And for those like me, who cannot miss something we never really had, know that you are not

alone. I feel no guilt about my lack of sentimentality on Father’s Day, and neither should you. It may sound a bit crass to say that at least we were spared the expense and fuss of celebrating the holiday, but there is a grain of truth in that observation.

Looking forward to the next holiday? Go for it!

Be well,

Shirley

PS. My childhood memoir, The Longshoreman’s Daughter will be out soon.