Tuning up for Thanks Giving

Ever since my brother Bobby was a teen he loved his guitars. He had a natural talent and could play anything by ear. It was amazing that he could tune guitars perfectly before he even knew what he was doing. It reminds me that he lived his life that way too.

He died a little over a month ago. It should not have happened. He was too young. It wasn't fair or pleasant or without struggles and pain. so, as Thanksgiving approached it made sense that in my mind I kept asking myself, "Giving thanks for what?" You may have been asking that question too especially if you are grieving the death of a loved one. "What is there to be thankful for exactly?" This was the theme drumming through my head the last few weeks as the Thanksgiving got closer. I had to sit down clear my head and take stock of what I could and should be grateful for while in the midst of being sad and upset about the death of my brother. It was not easy. I am still very raw emotionally and ticked off at the way the medical "system" failed my brother in his time of need. That is another story and believe me, I am working on an article about that...but for now, I am going to concentrate on whether or not it is necessary to find something to feel thankful about. Sure, I could dwell on my anger and be bitter and negative. That is how I feel on some days. I could wallow in all of that but since the Thanksgiving Day holiday is all about "thanks" and "gratitude" I decided it would be good for me and my family to go there instead. This is the beginning of the holiday season and it is going to be rough for his wife and kids for sure. I already know how hard it's going to be for me so the smart decision was to find a way to look for the good things and try to ignore the anger and sadness. So, after much thought here's my list: I am grateful that Bobby is no longer suffering. I am grateful that he had a good life with a loving family who adored him. I am grateful for the time I had him in my life. I am grateful that Bobby was close to my children. I am grateful that he and I were close in so many ways. I am grateful that I got to spend time with him before he died. I am grateful that my work leaders were so supportive and allowed me that time to be with Bobby. I am grateful for his wife Lynette and their kids Nici and Adrian and how they took such good care of him. I am grateful for our family. I am grateful for my remaining brothers and sisters and their families, and our cousins, aunties, uncles who all loved and cared about Bobby. I am grateful that he was loved by so many friends. I am grateful that Bobby loved to create music and that his passion sustained him through so much pain. I am grateful for the doctors and nurses who were kind and caring. (the rest I will address another time). So, if you are getting ready to face the holidays and are in the midst of grieving, I can honestly tell you that this exercise helped me. Once you start putting a list down on paper it gets easier to see that even though your heart is broken there are so many things for which you can be grateful. It made me feel better to concentrate on good memories rather than the sad ones. Try it! Let me know if it works for you. Think of Bobby tuning his guitars to perfection and playing without knowing how to read sheet music. I am so grateful that his passion was making music for himself and others to enjoy. Be well. Shirley